We

Your name tumbles too easily from my lips, my thoughts wander less
I such a random philosopher have finally found singularity of thought
it is you
Your scent never remains long enough in my covers
and I exist for lifetimes in every smile you offer
your presence drums out purpose so loudly
you are my consort
our eyes search hard through each others soul
never has my own eternity been so impressed upon me
I am sure that I have ever known you
you are me, I am you & yet we have balance
alone together, so thin become our mortal coils that our bodies
threaten to break and spill out our god-selves radiantly for all the earth
the rhythm in our love is a call to all children of the sun
and yet so often you give me your head when I demand your heart
your fear conjurs my pain, breeds my own hesitation
strengthens monstrous ego and vanity
my unwillingness to prove our destiny, our eternity
deepens our mortality til I imagine it is all my dream
though I know well I haven't imagination enough
to conjure rhythms and melodies only we can hear
my logical mind tries hard to exist with paradoxes
of grand consortium without soul mate
how can my essence scream so loudly I found you
when I never sought you
I am my beloved and my beloved is mine
such beauty in truth I have never known
its starkness and severity in resonance quake my soul
begs the weighty choice of all that I am or all that I could be
so daunting the brilliance of clear light
that as yet we cling hard to darkness

The Rose

Thought she was a rose, pulchritudinous & delicate
with more than a healthy fear of falling
she demands grace in her demeanor
she didn't curse only used uplifting words
I, born under a curse, found such words quite uplifting
& now found a way without them
& I with more scars than stories to account for them
& lust for flight so strong I cannot taste my fear of falling
I, more beautiful weed than flower
felt myself more feminine in her presence
she taught me to be careful, that those we let in can hurt us, abuse us even
I searched for a graceful way to express that
no one just takes; we give
they may take more than we planned to give, but only after we've given
away our essence, our God-selves, our souls
the pain reminds us who we are
I spoke for hours of fearlessness
of sharpening my will so much I would become bulletproof
all that I desire, that which was beneficial
would come to me without seduction
& what I read as disagreement, or confusion,
& unwillingness to take such a step personally
was really anger, hurt, & displeasure
at my audacity & boldness, most unladylike
so again like so many other flowering relationships
I got cut by the thorns, I didn't know were there
my ouch was met with this was a long time in coming
you should've known & there is no way I could've hurt you more than you hurt me
for I am the victim, ever she was the victim
Only this time I have learned the lesson
you weren't to have authority on how feminine I felt
a rose is not the feminine ideal
I am not more masculine, I am as we were made to be
I rock stilettos & can jump fences in them
when I enter a room women hold tight their men, to my enjoyment
simply because it keeps them out of my way
I neither hide my curves nor emply their use to build esteem
my hips bring down kingdoms or build them up as I see fit
got enough Nat Turner in me to take out cradled babes
with no paradox in mind when I hold close those of my village or of my flesh
no longer see weakness in tears, but i don't see strength in them either
just cleansing, I cleanse myself in tears as I cleanse my sword of blood
woe be unto those who oppose me
cause i ain't no fuckin rose

I'm Coming

Dropped your sister off at school today, & amongst all the stuff she decided had to come with her, most of which she didn’t really need, I saw it. It’s my favorite picture of you, and of her, you were two, she was just born and you hovered over her protectively like you knew what you were doing. Suddenly rushes of color and images floor me and I’m struggling with the loss of the snaggle toothed little boy who regaled me with the tale of his genius pronounced by his teachers that day. I remember them going on and on about how smart you were, like they used to go on about me and such was my love for you, I was ever proud and never jealous.

As I arranged all the glittery carnation pink items with Hello Kitty stamped on them, I can distinctly feel the absence of laughter in my belly, something like “Bump Hello Kitty where the honeys with the Tinker Bell rooms!” was missing, heavy. When we put that picture up I knew she felt it too. All the drive home, I’m picturing your would be dorm, vs. your cell, how you would have been in heaven there with all the small town white girls, just your style and now, well I don’t wanna imagine.

Popped by the conscious store to center myself, screened a film called breaking the chains, saw Malcolm staring back at me, my hero, his every word utter inspiration to me, and I recall, he was in a cell like yours, with some folks that weren’t too self righteous to love. Cous, I am so ashamed. I popped off at the mouth so much about holding you down, being there for you and now I’m spitting nonsense like he ain’t wrote me, so I ain’t wrote him. I remember you were four your Granny would give your sister candy and not you, and if you cried, your dad would give you something to cry about. Me or my sister would take you to get your own and make it bigger than what she got. Where are those cousins now when you need em’. You’re making a stand refusing to accept the charges for a crime you didn’t commit though, it’s had you locked up longer, and I’m proud and distant.

I can’t even deny, she was favored by them, you know it. You swiped the car with her and for her and you got the thunder and lightning she got the Kleenex, but she was crying for you, and you never resented her, protected her and loved her well. Like I used to look out for you, and I don’t know what happened, but it’s over. I’m gonna use this time, while you are my captive audience to fill you up. I’m going to mean what I say and hold you down. I know turning nineteen, ain’t make you know growner or wiser, probably only meant heavier sentencing to you, so I’ma stop pretending you woke up one day and decided prison was the path for, like it wasn’t well laid for and hard as hell to stay off of. I’m keeping me and you dancing together in my mind, every time I hear I’m a buy you a drink, and I’m coming for you. It is not taboo to go back and fetch what you have forgotten, goes for me as well as for you. I love you cous.

Disenchanting

Heavy stare and the air becomes thick and time slow like honey, colors blur

Through his eyes I can see more of his soul than his person

This is the moment I live for, when the universe presses its will in so hard we feel certain we could implode under the weight.

It’s the moment I will cling to, bite down on, to get through the pain

I am drawn to you he says and that is how they explain it

Force beyond measure pulled them to me and strange things began happening

Signs to point to us, I can see them too

Drawn so much they forget about the love they already have

Speak to me of the many compartments of the human heart

Promises left unmade to her and a consistency she has no right to expect

And when they have said and done all that they wanted this draw will be their excuse

I will be witch with much mystery in her step, hypnotic hips and eyes,

and the scent of spell magick

warm love will turn cold then flame bright bitterness and anger

My strong love quite pure will be said to have been enchantment

A spell broken by having gotten what he wanted and wanted it no more

Broken further by her tears and feelings of betrayal

They will reunite and cuddle close before the fire I burn in

All is well witch burned at stake love rekindled

Not this time though

And oh how you are

Of beautiful words you speak to me of fragrant springs

And your smell reminds me of powerful rushing waterfalls and wooded sanctuary

Eyes soft and magical like moonlit nights

Thoughts of hidden and ancient ways warm and leathery

like books in libraries that only exist in movies

a few words from you will have me pondering realities for days

and is the only thought strong enough to push from my mind the image of your lips

if I follow my heart it will lead straight to you

tonight I’m following my head

the power I do have is of resurrection, rising from ashes hurts more than dying by fire

phoenix no longer my name, not in love

let it be ghost, apparition

if I truly have such magick let me be phantom

and in spirit learn of my love seek it out in truth

and my darling, dearest one, I love you, I do

still I choose a path without you

I’d rather the cold of loneliness

than be burned again

What I'm gon teach you?

I am home late again
you have a million questions and my mind is far
I wonder what I'm gon teach you?
guilt pools in my chest and I can't see what I have to offer you
I, born of wind and water learned all I know from them
I am oceans and gales and what have I to teach flesh and blood?
my full presence only exists in moments, restless spirit wanders constantly
ain't never been nobody's baby, know little of comfort and stability
I want you anything but your mother's child, most days
safe and free of struggle, as I have never been
weak as children should be
and how can I teach you that?
I have no mommy voice, no sugary falsetto to radiate warmth within you
I refuse to chase boogeymen from your closet and
instead push you to protect yourself
face your own small demons as this is your life's work and they grow as you do
you inherited my lust for flight so strong, boo boos abound more than all better kisses
you must learn to care for yourself the way you wish others to
maybe I can teach you that
all I have for you is who I am,
and the hope that it is not too much for you to bear,
hope that my blood runs thick in you
and you will be nomadic and lonely
hear more lessons in the wind than you do in school
cause sometimes I forget to check homework
and would rather struggle with rulers and principalities than busy body teachers
so little one you must fight your own battles and call for help when you need it
cause I will come when you call but ever present cookie baker ain't me
I give you ways to express your feelings for this world more than how to draw stick men
and I hope you are really your mothers child, strong and fearless
gutsy enough for burning pain
cause babe it's all I know
and I want to shape you not break you
I'll teach you to fill your soul with living water
to lay your life down for your people
to fight hard through tired
and young princes and princesses I pray
your head can bear the weight of the crown
heaven help us it is heavy
but I am your only guide
and what else can I teach you?

Night & Day

She's like sweet honey and chamomile fragrant, blossomy
I am strong chai
she sings sweet and aviary, laughs like bubbling brooks and babies
she carries gentle breezes in her step and love in her arms
sunlight reflects in her eyes
my eyes are dark and mysterious, deep midnight oceans and just as torrid
I laugh like weary sharecroppers and lost minds
no gentility in my steps but thunder and lightning
and I keep my soul in the eye of the storm
and we love her
she is our grandmothers crown and glory
corona so brilliant
and we love her
fear her pain, want to be proved worthy, bring her smile
feel the strength in her hands on our cheeks
I am my grandmothers vengeance, their wrath incurred
mistrust from my day sister is all I have of her
and men fear me, the strongest of my tribe, lose grace of speech in my presence
and hold close their fears, wear them on their shoulders like capes
and I am scarred and bloody can't find graceful
walk with
heavy sword at my hip
and yet in some moments I soar
and I am tired and wish to be longed for
weary of the loneliness of having few equals and no one to climb this mountain with
and my spirit grows so much it begins to float on to heaven
how I wish there were loving hands to pull me back again
rather than just violence and work
just want to be somebody's baby sometimes
want grandmothers to smile on me with pride and joy
more than surreal visions that start me from sleep, in cold sweats
visions of their eyes from red lands, in languages I understand only then
calling urgently for my growth and demanding their justice
want the tears in my eyes to finally fall on someone's lap
need to know my work means something and I have value here and now not just eternally
want to trade courage for love and tempestuous walk for strong lasting embrace
and be normal, if I can't be like her, be like every day, not the day of uprising
but the grandmothers won't be denied and I am their weapon
I am forced atonement not adornment
so I will rest my weary bones to revive myself
cleanse sword with my tears
listen hard for the wind
watch you fly to her, her arms recieve you
bask momentarily in the glory of day and sun
and plunge back into the night

My Child

Daughter of light
he calls
Be brave, you are stronger than you will give yourself credit for
I know you are tired, come now
Heed my voice and not your own
Your very blood lies to you
Soon my child, so soon I will give you rest
With no worry of work to be done
But there is now still work to be done cry it out my darling
Dry your tears on my shoulders and let me carry you
I know it hurts my child
I know its bitter going down
But this medicine still heals you
What I have for you
Your soul cries out for
Even in your sleep you dream of it
It is your purpose my sweet
Your bones are weak yet, you cannot carry it
Don’t ask me to crush you
But when I formed you I did so in perfection
You will attain it, it is your purpose
Just yet you must walk
I will teach you to soar
I’ve given you wings, just let them grow
I know you feel weak, but I am here with you
Just beyond your reach
I will catch you before you fall, just follow my voice
Don’t trouble the stumbles, trust me you will fly
I don’t mind that you’re angry, put it all on me
Cause I know that you’re weary
But follow my voice, come one more step
Daughter of light, you are my joy
I don’t delight in your trial
But I know better than you
child you will run, I’ll see you through
you can crawl for a while, but get back up again
I made you to fly, I just ask you to walk
Trust in my voice, come closer to me
Take one step at a time
…and cry if you want
but you’re doing just fine
listen to me, don’t look at the ground
child you are making itand don’t you look down